my dumb existance

right now it is 1;15 a.m. and I am awake and listening with pleasure and trepidation to the rain and thunder out side. Pleasure, because it has been hot and dry for a month, trepidation; I'm not sure exactly why, maybe because it is so steady and so much?

I am considering getting my truck driver's liscense. Really seriously. I don't think i can go on living like i am doing right now.

Tom is traveling a lot, 5 days this week, and probably the same next week. won't be like this all the time, but he will be traveling more. Heather is home from Scotland, and that is good; she seems to be doing much better on her new meds (break down over Memorial day in Ponca), and is looking into some job possiblities that might include more money and benefits of some sort. She wants to move out, and i think we want her to, too. always torn about heather.

anyway, my days consist of getting up, having coffee, cigarette, and two pieces of toast. watch morning television while trying to get some chores accomplished so i don't feel so much like a slug. I have been working on projects, knitting, crocheting, and quilting. nothing very hard, nothing too well done. have a little lunch, read and nap in the afternoon; take a shower, and try to pull some dinner together. Watch the news, play tiles of the animals. If it's monday, i go to the store; if it is wednesday, i clean at the church and "knit with the ladies" at the library; and if it is every other friday i work at NE.

some of these things are my favorite things to do in the world, and my greatest sources of guilt.

i really think i could drive trucks. something per diem, so i could work around what ever tom needs me for and still be able to keep up my few hours at NE, but something to look forward to, something to accomplish, something to bring in a little more money, something that Tom wants to do eventually too.

as it stands right now, the only real role i play, is being here when tom comes home, which gratefully he is very grateful for. thank God for the meds.

no grandsons

this week has been without grandsons, and it is so quiet. I even feel a little anxious, like there must be some where I'm supposed to be. but there's not. really missing Finn and Henry.

Knitted with the ladies on Wed, no bible study this week, cleaned at the church today. Worked hard on the red snowflake afghan, but it is lumpy, and I am frustrated. No word on extra hours at work, and no word from GE on Tom's resume. Cooked a chicken and made soup, and baked bread. (not on the diet, but ate one loaf all by myself anyway.) good to know, I remember how.

mom has been uncomfortable this week with her bowels, praying that nothing bad is there.

Heather is grumpy, we are driving her crazy, wonder if we can separate before she hates us.

Dusty and Leah's wedding is off. Good news, bad news?

Praying for all, including Betsey and Will, Jan and Sandy too.

grandsons

Last week was with Milo, the week before that Drew and Alivia, this week with Jake! Oh what fun!

Milo got a new/old train table last week, and left it here for Jake to play with! Who would have thought that a table would make life so much easier! All the pieces seem to stay on top! In our little living room, that means a lot!

Milo and I went to the library last week, and discovered Reader Rabbit. Jake met him today! What a great way to learn the computer. Me of course! Milo loved the letter train, and Jake can access all the games, and figure out how to play them. I am so impressed, both by how well the guys seem to know how to use them and how smart they are! I am sold! I would be tempted to get the game for our computer, but it is so much fun to go to grammi's library and play there! Plus we can borrow new books!

afterwards we go to McDonald's for a snack, or to CVS for a new jet. The train table has a landing strip, but Jake says that it doesn't work for helicopters, which is all grammi had in her collection!